Pregnancy: Fear in the First Trimester

Updated: Mar 24, 2020

September 3, 2018 | DeAnna Houston

Becoming pregnancy was not an easy for me and my husband. It took us four long years and while I would not take back that time period, I did spend many moments feeling pain, sadness, and grief.

A couple months before I got pregnant I made a promise to myself that once pregnant I would only feel positivity and gratitude. I told myself I was not allowed to complain. Even if it was hard, I would "woman up" and move on.

Side note, I am the type of person that once I make a goal, I will do everything in my power to accomplish it. I leave no room for flexibility or change, and often feel a sense of disappointment if I fall short. So staying true to myself, I set the expectation of ONLY feeling gratitude and joy, and when feelings of fear crept in, I was disappointed.

On May 16, 2018, I finally received a positive pregnancy test! While deep down I knew that month had "worked" I was still in shock. Shocked, yet incredibly happy! I could not believe that my dream of being pregnant had finally come true! And, to add to it, the nurse said my hCG level (pregnancy hormone) was so high it was most likely twins! This news would probably scare most people, but not me...this was the best news ever!

Over the next several weeks, I continued to see my doctors and everything looked great.  The twins had strong heartbeats and were progressing right on schedule. Our dream was finally a reality! But with these feeling of happiness and gratitude, I had a nagging sense of fear.